And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
