I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
