I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
