you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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