Apparently you make a good broom.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
