i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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