Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
