i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
