You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
