He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
my shit smells like andre
I love having hate sex.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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