Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
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