Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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