I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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