I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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