i don't plan on having that self control this summer
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
