I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
