Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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