next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
