I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
