I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
