I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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