I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
