blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
