so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
