Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I just want to make out with him forever
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
