I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
