just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
