im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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