Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
My ass is underappreciated
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
