So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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