Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
