my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
