i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
