They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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