"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
