when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
