when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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