Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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