Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
