i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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