I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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