so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
