I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
