Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
