Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
