I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
