So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
