he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
