hotel room ftw
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Is it because I queefed?
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Randomize
