She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
