I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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