I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I am mentally ready for anal.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
