Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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