this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
