im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
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