I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
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