im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
