i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
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