No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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