Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
