Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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