I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
